Book Review: “How to Talk so Kids will Listen, and Listen so Kids will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish is a practical, insightful guide that helps parents communicate more effectively with their children. The book focuses on fostering mutual respect, active listening, and emotional connection through simple yet powerful communication techniques. I love this book! It is easy to read, relatable, and gives useful tools that parents can use in the moment- no advanced degrees, fancy lingo, or intense practice required. Just simple, honest ways to connect to your child and build mutual empathy.
What makes this book stand out is its focus on understanding a child’s emotions and needs. The authors stress the importance of listening without judgment, offering empathetic responses, and avoiding the usual parent-child power struggles. They provide real-life examples that demonstrate how small changes in approach can lead to better outcomes in conversations with kids.
The book is easy to read and filled with actionable strategies that can be applied immediately, making it a great resource for parents looking to improve their communication skills.
Tips for Parents:
Listen with Empathy: Reflect your child's feelings without immediately trying to solve the problem. For example, “I see you're feeling upset about this,” helps the child feel heard and understood. Not rushing to solve a problem helps children learn distress tolerance and builds their own problem solving skills.
Use Descriptive Praise: Instead of generic compliments, highlight specific actions with phrases like, “You did a great job putting your toys away,” which helps build your child's confidence and self-awareness.
Offer Choices: Instead of giving commands, offer options. For instance, “Do you want to do your homework now or after dinner?” This gives your child a sense of control, reducing resistance.
Acknowledge Their Feelings: Rather than dismissing your child's emotions, acknowledge them with statements like, “I understand that you’re frustrated. Let’s talk about it.” This shows that you value their perspective.
Stay Calm in Conflict: If your child is upset, keep your tone calm and avoid reacting impulsively. A calm demeanor helps your child manage their emotions and creates a more productive conversation.
In conclusion, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk offers valuable tools for parents who want to improve their communication and build stronger, more positive relationships with their children. The strategies are simple but effective, providing a clear path to better understanding and cooperation. I highly suggest this book and honestly consider it a must read for parents. It is one that will help you with a core parenting skill- communication, and will help you parent more peacefully.